Sunday, March 3, 2013

First Date Fumbles & Grappling with Gravity

Show of hands - you've finally found the balls (or ovaries, if you prefer) to ask that gentleman or lady of interest out on a date and received a successful response?

Great! Pat yourself on the back! If you have managed to do the dance of joy, a jig of happiness or managed not to vomit thanks to the stress of it all finally being resolved then you are in excellent shape and should continue to shimmy like a twitterpated maniac. Points to those who have done this in public.

Keep your hands up if you've made solid arrangements. You are dressed to impress (so to speak) and are ready to go.

Hands held high...you've managed to lose (as in lose track of) the gentleman or lady in question? Oops?

In the scheme of being talented, miscommunication or lack of active listening have resulted in an interesting predicament.

I happen to be a talented individual. The first date I've had in 3 plus years and I've managed to make it to the cafe in good time, grab a beverage and a seat...then time passes and the guy in question isn't in the chair opposite me. Hm.

Instead he shows up at my house to pick me up, because gloriously, chivalry is not dead...and I am not there. Go figure. Conflict resolution via text puts us back on track and caffeinated beverages are had.

Fast-forward to the end of the evening when you are walking to the door...or up the laneway...or maybe even up the gang plank...

A lesson I learned very early on in life is that gravity and I have a very tenuous relationship. When I say tenuous relationship I mean a complete lack of respect for one another. So naturally, when I would love to be graceful on two feet, gravity decides to rear her ugly head and declare that tonight is not going to be my night. Bitch.

It's dusk and a beautiful summer evening. As we walk on the lawn towards the side door chatting amicably I am unfortunate enough to step into a giant pothole (or "crater", if you listen to my friend's reinterpretation of events in a Russian accent). In an epic show of class, I flail wildly and grunt while tumbling to my knees across the lawn, almost performing a full on face plant into the dirt.

Show of hands - who is feeling better about their previous "first dates"?


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